There is a black-and-white photo that I pass when entering the kitchen I notice it only on some days, usually the difficult ones In the photo, a 26-year old woman stands near the railing of a balcony holding a baby with moppy blonde hair and nothing but a diaper on The sky is consumed by thick, dark clouds and only a thin line of light exists on the horizon My mom and I are gazing at a turbulent sea and I can only guess what we were feeling Our faces are hidden, but I know I was happy The gloom of darks clouds and choppy waters are no match for the warm embrace of a mother who would give anything just to see her baby smile I think I notice this photo on the stormy days of life because that's when I want to return to the days of being young and held again But mom is gone and I'm no longer a little boy I often wonder if this photo foreshadowed the tumultuous path that mom and I walked when she was still here Did fate decide that our time together would be storm clouds with a sliver of light on the horizon? Or maybe that's too gloomy of an interpretation Perhaps the photo meant that mom would guide me with love through the inevitable darkness of life so that one day I could find the light and be free I like that idea better, but it's too chipper for those difficult days when I notice the photo What I feel most acutely on those days is that I was once an innocent little boy I was a little boy shielded from the pain and suffering of everyday existence My mother's kind and warm embrace was all I needed to feel at home in this world 30 years have passed since that day and even though I'm all grown up now, part of me still feels like that little boy who needs mom's love when he can't see the light And I know I can't be the only one It's all of us: strangers, friends, teachers, grandparents, and even those of us who have become monsters or monks or saints We were all once little boys and girls who needed love to find their way Some received it and some didn't but all of us still need it today Especially on the stormy days of life when we can't see the light and are overcome by anger, sadness, bitterness, resentment, fear, overwhelm, and the loss of hope That's when we most need the unbounded love and protection of a mother's all-knowing embrace If only we could remember that feeling All would be well, at least for a moment |