Hey uguba ndubuisi, happy Sunday.
Latest Essay
By the time I was 25 years old, life had taken away three of the most important beings in my world. The most difficult of these experiences was losing my mom to suicide in 2017.
In my latest essay, I explore my journey with grief, including the experiences and ideas that helped me regain a sense of inner peace.
If you've lost someone you love or are curious about what that experience is like, you can read the essay here:
Who Do You Spend Your Time With?
Tim Urban's The Tail End is one of my favorite essays. In a few minutes, he makes a convincing case that by the time we're adults, we don't have much time left with the people we love.
Analyzing the time he has left with his parents, he says: "It turns out that when I graduated from high school, I had already used up 93% of my in-person parent time."
Reading that sentence in 2015 made me rethink how I spent my time. I started taking more frequent and longer trips home to see my family, and that's one of the best decisions I've made as an adult.
This week, I encountered another source that made me revisit the relationship between aging and time spent with the people we love. It's a chart that shows who people spend their time with as they get older.
Derek Thompson summarized the key trends of the data well. On average, time spent:
- With family peaks at < 15
- With friends peaks at 18
- With coworkers peaks at 30
- With children peaks at 40
- With your partner peaks at 70
- Alone peaks at the end
One of my key takeaways from looking at this chart is that most people spend the majority of their time after 40 with their partner and with themselves. That has two practical implications.
(1) You need to choose the "right" partner.
(2) You need to learn how to be comfortable and happy with yourself.
If you do just these two things well, that will likely have a more significant impact on your sense of satisfaction throughout life than most of the other things that you could optimize for.
What I'm Reading
A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis: This is writer C.S. Lewis's diary of thoughts in the wake of losing his wife to cancer. In it, he discusses his personal grieving process and touches on universal ideas about life, loss, and God. It's an interesting read because it is a collection of pieces from his personal journals, so you get an intimate look at how his grief and his relationship with losing his wife evolve with time.
Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner: This is musician Michelle Zauner's story about reconnecting with her roots in the aftermath of losing her mom. It's a well-told story that provides a vulnerable look at what it's like to lose someone you love and how grief can set you on a path of reconnecting with important parts of your life.
Thanks for tuning in, and see you in two weeks.
Cheers,
Cal
